just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
