My pussy is not your playground.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
