To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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