she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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