fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
