I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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