so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
