i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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