theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
