Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
