Christians are straight up FREAKS
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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