I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
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Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
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Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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