were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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