You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
