Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize