It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
