True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
