your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
