so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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