I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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