No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
