We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
