My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
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