dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Randomize
