WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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