I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
