My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
it glows. i had to have it.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Randomize
