God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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