She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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