I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
