and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize