I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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