It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
