There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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