ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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