you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
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