Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
