Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
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