goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
