I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Randomize
