i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
