I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
