I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
