Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
