Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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