Your dad touched me again.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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