I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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