so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
