why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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