Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
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I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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