If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
