the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
