Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
