I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
