im drinking this country out of the recession.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
