By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
