I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
two words: eviction party
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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