I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
When did we convert life to cartoon?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
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