I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
