It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
