you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
