My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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